"The Same Day that My Son was Delivered, It was Confirmed That He Had Trisomy 13."

Mother of Kanaan:

My story as a mother began in August 2017. As my husband and I were just over 2.5 years into our marriage, we thought it was a good time to try and start a family. So that July we started trying and to our surprise we found out we were pregnant that August.

We were thrilled and couldn’t wait to tell family. We told our parents when we had just turned 8 weeks. It was on a Saturday morning we told them.

The next day ended up being completely different and turned into something we had never imagined.

We were supposed to go to a professional football game that day, but I started bleeding heavy that morning. I knew something wasn’t right and called the midwife I was working with. She told me what was happening and that we should go to the emergency room.

We headed there frantic, scared, sad, and confused. When we got there, they did an ultrasound, and told us the news we didn’t want to hear.

My body passed our first baby later that night.

One of the most painful things physically and emotionally I had ever went through. That baby's name is Esther. In the weeks following we let my body heal and decided to test my hormones. After doing some testing and changing some things in my body, we were given the green light to try again.

In only nine months after our first miscarriage, we were pregnant with Nehemiah. We were excited, yet nervous at the same time because of what happened before. We told our parents at 6 weeks along.

Then we lost our second baby at 8 weeks.

Again, my body passed him naturally and we were devastated. We didn’t understand. We thought it wasn’t supposed to happen because of some things we had done to help my hormones.

After going through a miscarriage again, we knew we could not go through it again.

We decided to get some further medical testing done and they had no answers. I had a hard time with that. I knew there was something deeper going on, so we found a holistic doctor to help us.

We ended up finding a lot of things going on in my body, so we committed to healing and rebuilding my body for a couple years. I felt the best I had ever felt.

When the time was right and we felt good about it, we started trying. A few months later, we ended up finding out we were pregnant. This time it was different.

I felt different and we had just received words from God that previous year about having children.

It was a divine miracle! We found out the gender early and got to do our first gender reveal. It was so fun being able to enjoy those pieces of pregnancy. I had what I call a “super natural” pregnancy. I had no morning sickness, no real health issues that we knew of. I was feeling so good and loved being pregnant.

I was so joyful in this time because it was something I had dreamed of and God had promised us.

I worked with a midwife who knew my journey and she was amazing. Each week was a step closer to meeting our son, Kanaan Asher Joseph.

We were so excited to finally have “our” time as becoming parents. It’s what we always wanted. Months and trimesters rolled by. Our nursery was coming together and I put the finishing touches on right before my first baby shower. I had put so much thought into his room, it made me smile.

I got the car seat, stroller, crib, and almost everything we needed. I was reading and learning about the ways of motherhood, birth, delivery, breastfeeding, etc. I wanted to be as prepared as I could.

My husband and I spent countless hours preparing for our miracle child.

At 31 weeks I had my baby shower and then had my next prenatal appointment at 34 weeks. During the visit my midwife was concerned I was measuring too small and suggested to do an ultrasound the next day.

We did and later that day found out the most devasting news.

She wanted us to do a level two ultrasound the next day to confirm. We did that, and needless to say, we got the same news, but in a much worse way. It was the hardest thing telling our families what was going on, as we didn’t fully understand it ourselves.

We were told during the ultrasound all the things that were wrong with our son. It was a laundry list so long, I thought it might never stop.

I’ll never forget feeling so numb while waiting in the room to see the genetic counselors and doctor. I was asked to do an amniocentesis to confirm their diagnosis of Trisomy 13.

We had never heard of this and didn’t want to believe our son had it. Nothing made sense. We learned that the moment of conception this happened but there was no reasoning for it, just random chance.

After what we had been through, now this? God felt far away as the rug was pulled out from under us.

As we did the procedure and waited for results, we had to make even more hard decisions. I was going to have to deliver him and it was highly unlikely that he would not be alive, and if he was, he would not live long.

We didn’t even know how to prepare.

September 7, 2021, Kanaan was born sleeping at 11:27pm. Kanaan was three pounds and 15 inches long.

I delivered him naturally with the help of my midwife, the support of one of my sisters, and my husband.

He went straight to heaven before I even got to say hello or goodbye.

So many emotions, the pain, the tears, the exhaustion, but yet, the peace. God showed me Kanaan was safe with Him already. I didn’t want that, but it gave me peace knowing he was safe.

That same day he was delivered, it was confirmed that he had Trisomy 13. I never imagined that something like this would happen to us. We don’t know the answers why and we probably never will.

We have to give up our right to understand, to have peace that surpasses all understanding. A hard but very necessary thing to do in this journey of grief.

We still contend for what God has promised us and we know He never caused this.

He will use our darkest days to bring light into someone else’s world. I pray that you will receive this hope and peace that doesn’t compare to anything else.

May we continue to look to God’s kingdom and our reunion with our children someday.

This blog was written by Melody Joseph in Minnesota. Melody has been with her husband, David, for eight years. Together they have three children in heaven - Esther, Nehemiah, and Kanaan.

Read Mother of Wilde's other stories of loss here. If you are interested in sharing your story of choosing to faithfully trust God through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or infant loss, you can submit your story for our blog here.