It’s been such a rollercoaster this past year, from finding out I was pregnant, to the day we lost you.
Such beautiful moments, when we got to know you, from the little movements.
Every little flutter and tumble, making me feel smile. Having your dad put his hand on my belly, and wait, asking him: did you feel that?
To him saying no and me anticipating when he would, bursting with excitement, for when he would feel you move.
When he finally did, sharing all that joy with each other, and looking at each other with pride for our little baby.
Loving his hand on my belly, feeling so happy, growing you.
Telling him: I always want you to feel the baby move, because I’m only pregnant for so long, and we don’t get this very much.
Enjoying all those movements, all the moments of you in my belly, especially at night when we would relax in bed.
Now I lay awake in bed, dreaming of those times, how I’m so happy I appreciated them, because I’ll remember you forever like that.
So sweetly tumbling, in your safe little world, protected by me.
I feel so broken, that I couldn’t keep you longer.
I’m heartbroken you’re gone, and knowing that I can never hold you again, makes me cry.
I miss you in my belly, and wish you were back here, where I had you safe.
Only now you’re in the arms of Jesus, loved more than anything.
Through this, because of this, I know I am loved more than anything too.
I’m surrounded by love, family that love me, friends that love me.
These people have shown me just how much I can be loved, in a time, where I feel the most broken.
That’s where I realized — God is always in the place we least expect, always in the last place we tend to look, which is right where we already are.
Click here to read more of our blogs about seeing God's hand through baby loss. This blog was written by Rebecca Bates in Walla Walla, Washington. She has been married to her husband Joshua for six years. Together, they have two boys - Bayne, who is 4 years old, and Luca, who was born into heaven.