At a Total Loss Podcast with Moria Rooney and Katherine Lazar

Any opportunity to share about my son, Noah and my faith in God is a win for me. Thank you Katherine Lazar for having me on your podcast, At A Total Loss.

Katherine, you are such a gift to the loss community. The way you are connecting with bereaved moms as they navigate stillbirth, grief and survival is beautiful. You are allowing mothers to share their baby's story in such a raw, vulnerable, and transparent way. We all know that the journey through child loss is not filled will rainbows and wildflowers.

There is such an incredible need for hope and light to be poured into this community and what you are doing to honor your son Brody is very admirable. I pray that God continues to expand your business and bring new listeners struggling after child loss to your podcast.

It's such an honor to work alongside you with Mother of Wilde as we continue to point people to God, even after losing a baby. What a privilege it is for us to speak life over moms that are struggling in their grief and to set an example that they too can do something to honor their baby when they are ready.

Brody, you have one incredible mom. What she is doing to remember you through At A Total Loss Podcast is so special. Your name lives on. Your story continues to be shared. Look at the impact you are making and know how incredibly missed you are.

Click here to listen to me on the At A Total Loss Podcast with Katherine Lazar or listen below.

In this podcast, I share how my faith in Jesus changed before and after my son Noah Wilde was stillborn on March 9, 2021. I talk about about choosing to faithfully trust God in the unknown, questioning and heartbreaking pain.

In this episode, we discussed:

• Hope vs. hopelessness

• Being in an isolated space after your child dies

• What role you play in your own grief

• Finding help in your suffering

• Questioning your belief systems

• Digging yourself out of the depression hole

• Emotional pain vs. physical pain

• Experiencing hope through walking with God

• Turning your pain into your purpose

• God's calling on your life

• How Mother of Wilde began and what they do

Katherine Lazar is based in Atlanta, Georgia and is the Founder of At A Total Loss Podcast, which she started only five months after her son Brody was born still. Brody was born on January 18, 2022. You can listen to At A Total Loss Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon, or anywhere else you like to listen to your podcasts.

This blog was written by Moria Rooney, Founder of Mother of Wilde. Christ-follower, wife and mother of three. Click here to listen to more episodes on the At A Total Loss Podcast. There are new episodes every week, offering real talk with loss moms that are meant to inspire and support anyone through losing a child.

What To Say To a Grieving Parent From a Grieving Parent | What to Say When Someone Has Lost a Child

The death of a child is the unimaginable. It's unnatural and traumatic. Whether miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, or child loss later in life, many families may never get answers as to why their child is gone.

It's natural for family members and friends of grieving parents to search for the right words to say and ways to help.

Recently, I read an online article that shared what to say and what not to say to someone that has lost a child. The article clearly was not written by a parent who has experienced the death of a child so I felt compelled to share from a bereaved mother's perspective.

What to Say and What Not to Say to a Grieving Parent

• DO NOT offer silence. Yes, there are times for it but most people think that they will remind the parent of the child they lost; that's impossible. You will never remind us of the child we lost. Instead silence shows that you are too uncomfortable with the situation to offer your condolences about the loss of someone that we love. Silence often stretches into weeks and months of no communication followed by, "I'm sorry, I didn't know what to say".

• DO offer a sympathetic, meaningful condolence. There aren't any "right words" to say and we know that. We know losing a child is uncomfortable for you because it is for us too.

1. "I am grieving with you."

2. "There are no right words and I wish I could take your pain away."

3. "No parent should have to go through this. I'm here to support you in any way."

4. "What a gift he/she was in my life."

5. "I'd like to keep checking in on you unless you'd like a little space right now."

6. "I'm going to be praying for you in the days, weeks, and months ahead. I pray that you feel tangibly covered in prayer during this time."

• DO NOT offer open-ended support like, "If there is anything I can do, please let me know." You're then leaving this responsibility to fall on the bereaved parent who is already completely overwhelmed with living the unimaginable. Consider giving birth and having to make funeral arrangements for a baby you never got the chance to take home, while moving unused baby things from their living space.

• DO offer tangible support with everyday tasks.

1. "I've set up a meal train for your family so it's one less thing for you to think about. I'll text you the link with the dates and times that people will drop off food in the coming days and weeks."

2. "I want groceries to be one less thing for you to worry about so on Wednesday around noon I was going to drop off groceries for you. Would that day and time be okay?"

3. "I have a stack of gift cards for your family that I'd like to drop off under your door mat. No need to talk or be home, just wanted you to know they will be under there later this afternoon. Use them for whatever you all need."

4. "I've purchased the Walmart+ membership for you. It's good for a year and gives you free, same-day delivery on groceries or whatever your family needs."

5. "What ways can I help you this week with any errands you have?"

• DO offer tangible support with other living children.

1. "Is there a day that I could take the kids to the park for a few hours so you can have some alone time?"

2. "I bought the kids some new toys that I'd like to drop off later for you. Would that be okay?"

• DO NOT say:

1. "I know how you feel."

2. "I know God will give you more children."

3. "It was probably just a fluke".

4. "You'll have a healthy baby next time."

5. "They're in a better place now."

6. "Everything happens for a reason."

These are some of the unfortunate things that were said to us, after our son, Noah Wilde, unexpectedly died in March 2021. Everyone means well, hoping to say something that will bring some level of comfort and peace; but not all comments bring the comfort intended.

The loss of a child transforms a person permanently. Parents will never "get over" the death of their child and get "back to normal".

From a loss parents perspective, you typically have an overwhelming, abundance of support during the first month after losing a child. It's the months after that that really drop off with support and get's lonely. Because the world doesn't stop turning for grief and time doesn't stop for mourning. Time goes on and people get back to their lives, but for a bereaved parent their world still feels as if it has stopped - because it has.

Your efforts to educate yourself, interact with us and walk beside us are appreciated and noticed. We'll do our best to give you plenty of grace, and we hope you give us grace, too, as we dive through the unpredictable lifelong road of grief.

My name is Moria Rooney and I'm the founder of Mother of Wilde. On Tuesday, March 9th, 2021, I met my second son who was born sleeping. His name was Noah Wilde. Since his passing, I have made it my mission to spread hope, keep his legacy alive, and bring awareness to infant loss through the making of beautiful memorials.

If you or a loved one has suffered a loss similar to ours, my heart is forever with you. I am happy you are here, and hope you find comfort in the community we have created for loss families.

9 Questions to Understand Stillbirth | Why Does Stillbirth Happen? | Warning Signs of a Stillbirth

When my husband and I were going into our second pregnancy, I had heard of babies being born still but I was naïve to thinking that it could happen to our family. After we unexpectedly lost our son on March 9, 2021 I had many more questions about why still birth happens and what signs I may have missed to prevent it.

• What is the meaning of "stillbirth" and "stillborn"?

• How many babies are born still?

• Why does stillbirth happen?

• What are the warning signs of a stillbirth?

• What can cause decreased baby movement in pregnancy?

• Do babies have decreased movement because they run out of room?

• What prevents stillbirth?

• Why do stillborn babies look different?

• Will I be considered high-risk after having a stillborn baby?

What is the meaning of "stillbirth" and "stillborn"?

Stillbirth is the delivery, after the 20th week of pregnancy, of a baby who has died in the mother's womb. Stillborn is defined as an infant who has been born dead.

How many babies are born still?

1 in 200 pregnancies deliver babies that are born still.

Why does stillbirth happen?

1/3 of stillbirths have unexplained causes - this was the case for our son Noah.

2/3 of stillbirths may be linked back to causes with the umbilical cord, placenta, infections, birth defects, medical complications with the mother, or preeclampsia.

What are the warning signs of a stillbirth?

The most common warning sign of stillbirth is that you stop feeling your baby moving and kicking. However, some mothers experience pain, cramps, or bleeding.

What can cause decreased baby movement in pregnancy?

Low amniotic fluid. placenta problems like anterior placenta, early gestation, umbilical cord, and obesity are just a few reasons why movement may decrease in pregnancy. Ask your doctor for a nonstress test to evaluate your baby's heart rate and movements.

Do babies have decreased movement because they run out of room?

Absolutely, not! This is the biggest myth and it continues to circulate even amongst health care professionals which is frightening. Babies DO NOT and SHOULD NOT stop moving because they have "run out of room" close to labor. Your baby should be just as active in the third trimester as they were in the second trimester.

What prevents stillbirth?

Kick counts are a good way to consistently monitor your baby's movements. If you notice a day when movements drop off, don't wait for a next day appointment at your OBGYN, go to the nearest hospital immediately to check on your baby.

Why do stillborn babies look different?

When a baby's heart stops beating the body starts going through different stages. Depending on when the baby dies in the womb and when the baby is born will determine the baby's appearance after birth. Stillborn babies may have peeled skin, look bruised, and have dark looking lips. Many babies that are stillborn look like they are peacefully sleeping.

Will I be considered high-risk after having a stillborn baby?

Yes. Your future pregnancies will be considered high-risk after you have a stillborn baby. Your OBGYN will most likely refer you to a Maternal Fetal Specialist for close monitoring during the duration of your next pregnancies. Your ultrasounds will be more in-depth and your appointments will be more frequent. The specialists have much more education on high-risk patients and better technology to identify potential problems earlier in the pregnancy.

Mother of Wilde creates stillborn memorials for parents who have lost a child. They started their company in July 2021, after their son, Noah Wilde Rooney, was unexpectedly still born at 35 weeks. Mother of Wilde provides the special gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby. Their personalized loss prints offer families a special way to commemorate the memory of their stillborn child. Their prints aid in your healing, bring hope to your future, and honor your precious baby.