"I Gave Birth to my Daughter at 15 Weeks Because of a Subchorionic Hemorrhage."

Mother of Esmé:

“At 15 weeks I lost my baby, Esmé, because of a subchorionic hemorrhage that never healed.

I birthed two clots the sized of softballs before I birthed her.

I had to push her out.

I feel like miscarriage is a misnomer.

I got to hold her for about 2 hours then had to say goodbye.

She was born without a heartbeat but the doctors said I had no need to stay physically.

I didn't know my options so I let them keep her and I guess dispose of her.

They don't see them as babies.

No one told me the time she was born or her birth details.”

Our ministry, Mother of Wilde, will always recognize that life starts at conception.

We believe even the smallest of lives deserve to be celebrated. We believe that

every life is worth honoring because every life is a gift from our Creator.

We see the most intimate photos of babies at all ages. Images from home births to hospital births. Babies that fit in mom's arms to babies that fit in mom's hand like little Esmé.

We are in awe at God's creation of His children. His love is woven into the tiniest of details. Our babies are created with intentionality that continues to point to their Creator.

At Mother of Wilde, our pregnancy and infant loss memorials are specifically created with bereaved mothers and fathers in mind. Our faith-based prints come personalized to your child, no matter the gestational age they were born.

We do our very best to showcase and highlight all of their tiny features in our custom baby memorials.

When you purchase a custom print from our ministry it will include your favorite photo of your child and all of their intimate birth details like name, weight, length, and more.

Babies of all gestational ages can be lovingly printed on our loss memorials. This includes from the moment you found out you were pregnant with your sweet baby.

As a loss mother myself, I wanted to include a few add-on options for other families to take advantage of in their memorials.

My second son, Noah Wilde, was still born and when he was born at 35 weeks, he had some bruising and skin changes on his face, hands, and feet. His face was starting to darken slightly due to not being alive in the womb for 24 hours.

Many stillborn babies have tears in the skin. It's, also, very common that the lips are very dark and parts of the face may also have parts of blue or red.

Because of this, we offer a gentle facial retouching option for all of our stillbirth memorials.

Another option we are happy to offer in all of our child remembrance prints is the ability to include a blurred background. This option is good for images that may want to remove the background noise - like the hospital room, wires or anything else that prevents your child from being the main focus of the print.

We can't put into words how humbled we are for being trusted with pregnancy loss portraits and stillbirth memorials.

Mother of Wilde is a Christian ministry that creates customized child remembrance memorials. Located in Wilmington, North Carolina, and founded by husband and wife team, Brian and Moria Rooney. Their ministry started only three months after their son Noah was stillborn. Mother of Wilde's memorials are meant to be a reminder of the hope we have in Christ while aiming to remember and honor the children in heaven.

"I'm So Sorry. There's No Heartbeat."

Mother of Eleanor:

In January of 2021, my husband and I found out that we were pregnant, after 2 months of “sort of trying”.

We were so shocked and did not expect to be pregnant so soon, since we were not really trying. We kept this pregnancy a secret from our family and most of our friends, waiting until the “safe” time to tell them.

We went in for our first prenatal appointment on March 17.

I was 9 weeks and 5 days.

During the ultrasound heard the worst six words ever “I’m so sorry; there’s no heartbeat”.

We were crushed, we had to tell our family that we were pregnant in the same breath we told them we were miscarrying.

Our baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks, so I had what is called a missed miscarriage. I tried to wait on my body to naturally pass but ended up needing medication to help my body pass everything.

This process took over a month and I was drained. During this process, we did not know the gender of the baby but believe it was a boy.

We decided to name him Sam.

We decided to start trying after my first regular cycle. We both knew we wanted to be parents, and have known for a while that we wanted to be parents. We tried for 7 months, it was very daunting.

I had concerns that we were going to be dealing with infertility and need medications and many tests. One month before it would have been one year, we got pregnant again.

We were so excited and very anxious. We decided for this pregnancy to tell friends and family pretty soon and celebrate the pregnancy any moment we got.

Pregnancy after loss is absolutely terrifying and joyous all at the same time.

I was very sick and had so many symptoms, which was reassuring. With every milestone we passed, we became more excited and less anxious. We did multiple private scans and bought a doppler. I, even, switched to decaf coffee, didn’t eat lunch meat, and had all the “right” things to help us with our anxieties and try to give this baby the best chance.

We found out we were having a daughter and began to dream of the life that she would have.

We picked her name Eleanor “Ellie” Reese, due to the meaning behind the name.

Eleanor means God’s light. She was our light and showing us God’s grace and faithfulness.

Reese means enthusiastic and fiery. She was always moving so much in every ultrasound (to the point, we had to do most of them twice because she wouldn’t stay still to get the correct pictures).

We had passed the 8 week mark, 1st trimester, 20 weeks, 24- viability, 30 weeks, 32 weeks. We were in the home stretch. We had already had all of the showers, started on the nursery, and bought all the major items. We even said that we had everything we “needed” to get her home and keep her for the first few weeks if we went into labor early.

We had every plan and thought that we would bring her home, because why would we not?

Late April, I started having higher blood pressure readings at home but not in the office. I went into the office early May and had one high reading (border line). They decided to run a full panel of tests to check my levels, everything came back normal.

On May 16, I had a weird feeling and kept checking her heartbeat with our home doppler.

We found her heartbeat and everything was fine, but I couldn’t settle my thoughts that something might be wrong.

I wrote those thoughts off thinking it was just anxiety over having experienced a previous loss, and just believing that everything would go wrong.

I thought that since it was getting closer to my due date, that I was just having high anxiety. So I went to sleep and ignored it. I, also, need to mention that I had an anterior placenta so Ellie’s movements were not consistent where I could feel them. There would be hours or a day or so where I would not feel her, and then she would move to a spot where I could.

We decided to go on a baby moon to the beach and spend one last vacation just the two of us. We spent this vacation talking and dreaming about what our family of 3 would look like, what Ellie’s personality would be, and what she would look like.

When we got back from this trip we had an appointment to check on her growth, due to the one high reading they wanted to make sure she was developing appropriately. We went into that appointment believing we would see her and get some more pictures of her.

We went into the ultrasound room and once again, heard those 6 awful words, “I’m so sorry. There’s no heartbeat”.

I was 33 weeks and 4 days.

Our hearts were once again completely shattered. We were in shock and a loss for words. I immediately felt angry. Angry that we were here once again.

We were told in the doctors office what to expect in the next few days and for delivery. We left, went home, and began making calls to our family and friends. We spent the day crying, planning for the hospital, and trying to process the news.

On May 26, we went into the hospital at 2:00pm to be induced to deliver Ellie. I was given medication to induce labor, which progressed very quickly.

Eleanor "Ellie" Reese Cooper was born at 2:27am on May 27, 2022. She weighed 2 pounds 10 ounces and was 16.5 inches long.

We spent the next day spending time holding her, taking in her features, taking pictures of her, and trying to express a lifetime of love in a few hours.

We found out later that she most likely died due to me developing Preeclampsia, which was not found until I was in the hospital to be induced. Her loss rocked our world, and all of our family. We believed with our whole hearts that she would be our living daughter, that we would raise.

She was beautiful and amazing. She has her daddy’s brow line and cheeks, and her mommy’s nose and chin. She was a wonderful soul who showed the love of God through her, and gave her dad and I strength that we never knew we had.

Having to give birth to your silent, sleeping child and burying that child changes you to your core.

I am not the same person I was before. I am more sad, skeptical, unsure, anxious, loving, compassionate, and able to hold more emotions. I am completely broken down by losing Ellie and I have learned slowly how to be a better person.

I know that Ellie and Sam are in God’s presence and being held by Jesus. My husband and I can’t wait for the day we will be reunited, and pray that God gives us living children on this earth one day.

This blog was written by Brooke Cooper in South Carolina. Cecilia has been with her husband Justin for 14 years and married for three. Together they have two babies in heaven, Sam and Eleanor.

Read Mother of Wilde's other stories of loss here. If you are interested in sharing your story of pregnancy or infant loss, you can submit your story for our blog here.

Initial Days of Grief - After Losing Your Son or Daughter

After the loss of my son, Noah, I began a journey of healing through helping others in their own grief by sharing my testimony as well as leading mothers to grow a closer relationship to God.

In our community and through our blog, we talk honestly about the initial days of grief. The days where you are left feeling exposed, raw, and broken.

We talk about the initial days of grief that have us questioning God and His plan for our lives.

My mind looked like this in the initial days of grief.

This feels like a bad dream.

How is my husband doing?

Why Noah, God?

Why my family?

I think I'm going to be sick.

When's the last time I showered?

How did I not feel him stop moving sooner?

Did my dad make the funeral arrangements?

How do I explain Noah died to our other son?

Clearly, the nurses forgot to remind me about my milk coming in.

Maybe they did remind me and I was just too out of it.

Did I not pray hard enough for a miracle?

Was Noah in pain when he died?

How did my body not know that life inside of me had died?

I wonder when the autopsy report will come back.

Why did we even get conceive?

Why didn't they keep me in the hospital?

Will my husband's faith be shaken?

Will my faith be shaken?

Maybe you have had some of these same questions after losing a child.

At Mother of Wilde, we believe in redemptive healing after child loss. We believe in redemptive healing that doesn't have to come after years of brokenness and deep emotional and physical pain.

Our ministry provides hope and encouragement to bereaved parents struggling with past and present pain of losing a son or daughter.

We believe in the abundant power of prayer to truly change lives. We, also, believe that healing can only be obtained through transparency and acknowledgement of our pain and trauma.

Our testimonies tell our stories. But the greatest story they should tell is the one of Christ. Our testimonies help us heal. But our greatest healer is Christ.

Some of the most comforting words in the world are, "me too". That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else's struggle, that you're not alone, and that others have been down the same road.

For me, I've been on seen many sides of grief - from miscarriage at 9 weeks, to losing a child before delivery. No matter what the season, none of it seemed fair at the time. But I've found growth and redemption in each of them, through the suffering.

Blooming in dark places.

Connect with our online community as we come together as Christ-loving women, stepping away from the busy kids, the busy schedules, and the constant stretch of.

Connect with other like-minded women, who have also lost children, who desire to fill our cups in order to continue pouring into everyone else's back home.

Our community hopes to rekindle a newfound purpose in your heart, reminder of your identity and above all else a more genuine connection with the Father. God is waiting on the other side of the door to welcome you back into a life of true fulfillment.

Physically Noah isn't with me but I know where his soul is. There is incredible comfort in knowing that. Death and eternity.

One is inevitable for everyone, one available to everyone.

This article was written by Moria Rooney, Christ-follower, wife, mother and Founder of Mother of Wilde. Moria is based out of Wilmington, North Carolina and has been married to her husband, Brian, for 8 years. Together, they have three children - Roman, who turns 3 in January, Noah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks, and they are currently expecting their first daughter, Eden in December 2022.